The stakes are high in kindergarten. New school, new friends, new teachers. We are two weeks in.
\nJay found his backpack over the summer at a thrift store in Santa Barbara. It\u2019s all business. Grey with pink plaid checkers. It has a front pocket just for pencils! Each night he organizes it so it\u2019s ready the next morning. School, SO FAR, is great. No complaints. Just big fear that he\u2019ll talk at the wrong time and Ms. H will write his name on the board which in Jay\u2019s 6 year old eyes, is the worst thing that can happen. Jay is a rule follower. He never wants to be in trouble, especially at a place as important as Kindergarten.
\nAlthough Jay is a boy he loves all things GIRL. The pictures he draws are all of rainbows and heart shaped peace signs. He jazzes up anything and everything he can get his hands on by drawing eyelashes on it or adding a unicorn sticker but at school he flies under the radar. The uniform is grey and blue and the rules are the rules. He does figure out that there is one place he is free to express himself. Friday is SHOW and TELL day.
\n\u2028Jay is scouring the house for what to bring. I suggest a family photo from when he went down Splash Mountain with his dad and little brother at Disneyland. \u2028\u201cYou can tell people how much you love Splash Mountain. Its a picture AND a story.\u201d\u2028Stuffed animals whiz by me as he digs. \u201cNo, mama. \u201d \u2028\u201cWhat about your \u201cWhere On Earth Book?\u201d You can show them your favorite page- the one about Acts of Nature. You can teach them something.\u201d\u2028\u201c I want to bring JULIE.\u201d\u2028Julie is Jay\u2019s \u201cAmerican Girl Doll\u201d.
\nIts only the second week of school. I don\u2019t really know jay\u2019s teacher Mrs. H. very well. She\u2019s round with shoulder length grey hair and large frameless glasses. I\u2019ve only spoken to her a couple of times and I feel like both times she\u2019s mentioned Jesus. She\u2019s been teaching here for 25 years and it is a Catholic school after all. I can\u2019t be responsible for what i will do if i hear they are mean to my kid. If I even smell judgement about this we\u2019ll have to find a new school. Jay is a heart with legs walking around in the world. I can\u2019t bear the thought of him getting teased but I don\u2019t want to stifle him just because I\u2019m afraid.
\n\u201cOkay\u201d I say. Whatever you want.\u201d
\n\u2028American Girl Dolls are a phenomenon. They are what Cabbage Patch kids were in my day. What the Beatles were in my parent\u2019s. They cost an arm and a leg but their hair is long and feels like silk spun by the gods. For a year Jay looked online trying to decide which American Girl doll to get until he finally settled on Julie. Her blonde hair, blue eyes and 1960\u2019s patchwork dress really impressed him and frankly, she impressed me too. She looks fun, summery, carefree. Ready for whatever life throws at her! \u2028
\nFriday morning Jay packs and organizes his backpack and zips Julie into her hot pink carrying case. It has a plastic window so when you wear her on your back she can see everything and more importantly, She can be SEEN.
\nWe arrive at school but before we get out of the car.
\n\u201cMama, Jay says from the backseat. You carry Julie until we get to my classroom, ok?\u201d\u2028\u201cOkay.\u201d
\nHis need to self protect has kicked in. I know from the handful of books I\u2019ve read that I shouldn\u2019t interfere. I have to follow his lead.
\nHe hands her over to me. The walk across the grounds to the Kindergarten building feels long. My heart is pounding.
\nI wait at the door to the classroom while Jay plays on the playground. Ms. H arrives and sees me.
\n\u201cCan I talk to you for a minute?\u201d I ask. My is voice tense and awkwardly high.\u2028\u201cSure…let\u2019s go inside.\u201d \u2028I follow Ms. H into the classroom and bring Julie with me. She closes the door behind us.
\nMy mind is racing. I don\u2019t know where to begin. Jay is 6 now. We\u2019ve already been through kids teasing him at the park, shoe salesman who won\u2019t let him try on glittery rainbow light up shoes because \u201cthey are for girls\u201d even two men performing in the Disney parade made comments when they spotted Jay wearing fairy wings as he watched them sing Chim Chimmeny Chim chin charoo. At birthday parties when Jay wants the goody bag intended for girls we came up with a phrase to say \u201cI like what I like, you can like what you like.\u201d We can easily leave those other places. but here, at his school, the place where we plan on being for the next 8 years, the place where he\u2019s discovering himself, where he\u2019s learning how to be in the world it\u2019s more complicated. I\u2019m terrified. I get right to it. I just start talking at Mrs. H as fast as I can. Rapid fire.
\n\u201cJay knows he\u2019s a boy but he likes girl things. We support this at home. We want him to feel safe to be himself and we want him to feel comfortable here because this is his school and\u2026Jay brought Julie for Show and Tell! I push the doll toward Mrs. H.
\nMs. H calmly puts her hand up to stop me.
\n\u201cAre people making fun of him?\u201d She asks.
\n\u201cNo, not yet. I just wanted to let you know in case any of the other kids have questions or say\u2026anything.\u201d
\nHer big gray eyes blink at me from behind her glasses.
\n\u201cI want you to know something.\u201d Her voice is firm.
\nUh oh. Is she going tell me I\u2019m a crazy mom and all of this is too much? I brace myself.
\n“I want you to know I have Jay\u2019s back. I not only have his back this year, while he\u2019s in my class, but I have his back all 8 years he\u2019s at this school.\u201d\u2028Tears are cascading down my cheeks. I hug her- hard. Too hard maybe but when I pull back – I see she is also crying.
\nThe bell rings. The other students are knocking at the door. As she goes to open the classroom door she turns back to me and for the first time I realize Mrs. H is wearing a man\u2019s Hawaiian shirt and kacki pants.
\nJay comes walking in and grabs Julie off the table. I give him a kiss.
\n\u201cBye mom.\u201d
\n\u201cBye Jay. Have fun.\u201d\u2028<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The stakes are high in kindergarten. New school, new friends, new teachers. We are two weeks in. Jay found his backpack over the summer at a thrift store in Santa Barbara. It\u2019s all business. Grey with pink plaid checkers. It has a front pocket just for pencils! Each night he organizes it so it\u2019s ready […]<\/p>\n